Embracing Falling in Love with MY Life in my 30s
I am sharing the story of how I started to love my life in my 30s. I am not afraid to say that, I fall in love with my life a little more everyday, and this is a choice.
Today one of my beautiful client, sent me an Instagram DM asking me if I was happy, and the answer, was a simple yes. Yes, I am happy.
But such YES did not not come easily. I
It was the results of years – all my 20s to be precise – of:
- hating myself,
- not knowing who I was,
- outer validation where my happiness depended on the opinion of others.
To give you more context, I started on this topic in this previous blog post that you can check out here > The road to self-love: my experience from hating myself to being in love with the world.
In my 20s I was looking for any identity and I was at war with myself
Last week I was updating this blog. In doing so, I opened all my previous blog posts and the majority of them were in fact written during my 20s.
In retrospective, what was so evident to me now, is how much I was so lost.
I had no identity and I was desperately looking for one. One of the loudest evidence is the multiple hair colours: a clear proof of what I felt inside. I didn’t know who I really was at the core, I tried to fit in by showing my diversity. I had to show my artistic side in one way or another and at the same time rebel against comformity of provincial city life (that I wasn’t totally part of, since I lived in the countryside, isolated). I always struggled with wanting to see the world, be on top ff trends (London/NYC fashion to be exact) and enjoying my legacy of simple countrylife. I rejected this simple world, I felt so alone and misunderstood. So, I rebelled by changing hair color almost every two weeks.
We can say that during my 20s, I was in a constant war with myself and the world. Hatred, self-loathing and complaining were my closest friends and I did not realize that. I could only see worst case scenario at every occasion, blame everything, feel trapped, my mind was my enemy and my emotion were a liability, a burden.
Only expressing my creativity through blogging and photography helped me a lot.
The online blogosphere was the only place were I could be myself, where I could travel and experience those fashion trends. I was proud of the work I was doing.
Around age 27-28 I had my darkest night of the soul, where I hit rock bottom. I was born renew and it was painful to put aside blogging for a bit, but I did not have the energies to work on myself and on my new business as well as nurturing this online space.
Three years away from blogging
These past three years I completely changed my life. In short, I left my daily job and adventured into digital entrepreneurship with a project dedicated to help people rise up again with their own strengths.
I wanted to share the journey I did on my own with spirituality and the mystical tools (astrology, moon phases, tarot reading) which helped me reconnect with myself. With faith in the Universe and in my church (which is Nature), I was coming back home to my truest self, I was deeply healing.
And for the first time, I went out of my comfort zone and I spoke in my mother tongue: Italian. I spoke to the Italian audience with this new business.
If you have known me for a while, my digital comfort zone is writing and speaking in English, so much easier for me. Doing something with an Italian audience was scary (just so you know, I’ve always hated how my voice sounds in Italian) but I am happy to have walked this road.
This choices brought me were I am today: running and growing Rising Wild, the Italian resource for a Mystical Lifestyle & Business: I teach di self-development, mystical and business courses and create physical products that help wild souls to fulfill their dreams.
In order to build solid foundations, I had to press pause on blogging here. And so, I did. But my love for blogging and for shooting with my cameras has not ended. Hence why, I’m coming back here a little more regurarly. With a touch of country side living – I have made peace with this – and with my visionary eye. I no longer exclude but include both my worlds. I grew up. I can now see beauty in the everyday and I can feel gratitude instead of hatred. It took me a while, but I had to touch the darkness, in order to appreciated light and life.
I can conclude this post by saying that I have found happines in my 30s and now I choose to fall in love with my life everyday.
The difference is here: I choose to be happy. I took full responsibility for my life, and everything changed for the best. So except more travel, photography and countryside adventures.
Yours truly,
Cate
P.s. I now guide and mentor wild brave soul on creating their mystical online businesses. If you’d like to know my services, shoot me an e-mail at hi@risingwild.it and I’d love to guide you (in English of course).
