What I have left in 2018 shares a list of my thoughts during this xmas day. Everything that I certainly won’t take with me in the next year. 

MERRY XMAS TO Y’ALL! Xmas is my favourite time of the year but I do prefer the time before xmas: the waiting, the festive atmosphere and the friends & family gatherings. When it is actual xmas everything stops. And I start to think a little.

What I have left in 2018

There are so many things I would leave in 2018 and it requires my whole strength to do so. The hardest part for me is leaving those sick addictive people far away from me. Even though they fully understand me, they are never there when I need the most. Moreover they keep lying in front of me. So step back to negative friends.

Then I want to leave behind work stress. The hyperactivity of always being the best at work, at fitness, at eating, in relationships and in life all at the same time. I need my timetable and the pressure of always be the best of the best is driving me crazy. I want to stop this loop this coming 2019. It’s bad and unhealthy. So less daily stress and pressure.

Sick addictive people are never there for me when I need the most. 

I want to leave crying days there, this year I honestly cried a lot, I kept feeling not good enough or too sensible, in either way not suitable. Now, I am tired of constantly listening to this shit – I will leave the unsuitable feeling in 2018. 

I am good for me, I am still learning to live with my little demons inside but I won’t listen to anybody telling me what I can and cannot do. So back off lonely feelings.

On the bright side I want this 2019 to be merrier.

I want to live it lightly, without criticising myself too much and without relying on the wrong people again. These are the biggest mistakes I keep redoing every year. Right now I need to stop this circle and create my happiness.

And now it is time to pamper myself with a cosy bath and a marathon of my favourite Xmas movies – what’s yours? I am always stuck between The Holiday and Love Actually.